THE GREAT EMU WAR OF 1932

The Great Emu War. Throughout history, the Australian military has faced many battles, both home and abroad. Across the world, Outback crack legions of brave Anglo-Australian soldiers, brimming with courage and fortitude, were known as being hardy, brave and of high moral character. The Australian military man has endured many great wars, in which he conducted himself with strength and without complaint: from his enthusiastic participation in the Anglo-Burmese War, to the Boer War, and of course the First World War, making his reputation known across the globe as the bravest warrior mankind has ever seen. And no war had ever shaken The Australian military forces, until the Great Emu War of 1932. The affair began in October of 1932 when Australian farms in the wheat belt of Western Australia were invaded by emu militias numbering 20,000. These feathered, flightless savages began pillaging homes, clearing wheat crops and taking women hostages. Farmers relayed their concerns about the birds ravaging their crops and their women, and a deputation of ex-soldiers were sent to meet with the Minister of Defence, Sir George Pearce. Having served in World War I, soldier-settlers living in the area were all very aware of the effectiveness of machine guns, and they requested their deployment. The minister readily agreed, although with conditions attached: the guns were to be used by military personnel, and to make sure they killed every last emu bastard. The fighting began on the 2nd of November. The war was conducted under the command of Major Gwynydd Purves Wynne-Aubrey Meredith of the Royal Australian Artillery’s 7th Heavy Artillery, with Meredith commanding Sergeant S. McMurray and Gunner J. O’Halloran, and several thousand men, each solider armed with two Lewis guns and 20 million rounds of ammunition. However, this was all for naught: as ornithologist Dominic Serventy later commented on the affair: “The machine-gunners’ dreams of point blank fire into serried masses of Emus were soon dissipated. The Emu command had evidently ordered guerrilla tactics, and its unwieldy army soon split up into innumerable small units that made the use of the military equipment uneconomical. A crestfallen field force therefore withdrew.“ On the 8th of November, members in the Australian House of Representatives discussed the operation and declared it an utter failure. Following the negative coverage of the events in the local media, Pearce withdrew the military personnel and the guns on the 8th of November. Further attempts were made, but ultimately, the flightless bird barrage could not be thwarted, and our country has ever since been ruled by puppet governments ultimately serving the Emu regime. And so ends the story of the great Emu War, something which has scarred the soul of every Australian man, and is a continual source of shame and self-hatred, for their reputation has since been marred and sullied, and are now the laughing stock of the world.