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Produced by Joey Nato and H3 Music
Lyrics:
It seems like every time I go and try and pick up the mic,
I rap about the things that don’t really affect me in life,
like how I’m great at articulating my bars that I write,
or how the fame will never change a single thought in my mind,
I rap about how I’m better than any rapper in sight,
I rap about how how I’d kill em on a beat if they even tried,
I rap about how I’d eat ’em and then make fun of my size,
I rap about all these mumbling rappers and tell them to die,
because I get so angry that they don’t even think when they write,
but come to think of it, when it comes to thinkin’, neither do I,
I like to act like I’m the greatest to ever ink out a rhyme,
but who am I convincing? I like to keep my confidence high,
but I lie to myself every time that I say that I’m fine,
because deep inside I’m scared to write about what’s in my mind,
all these sensitive topics are bottled really tight,
and I can’t take a sip, cause takin’ a sip brings my demons to life,
I’m not alright, I’m not okay,
I can’t rap about the things that are causing pain,
it leaves a stain when I put ’em on the paper they don’t ever leave my cranium,
they stay inside brain and multiply into to a greater sum.
It’s like they stay dormant until I force them into the world,
then they become the main source of my torment,
I cannot endure this,
It aches to my core,
and it’s horseshit,
cause all I wanna do is just ignore it,
But I can’t,
cause y’all don’t understand,
the type of mindset that it fuckin’ puts me in,
when you ask me to rap an emotional track,
I have, to reach back, to a part of my brain that is black,
I cannot escape it,
I can barely take it,
I can’t face all this pain,
that my heart is taking,
it’s aching every bar I’m saying,
cause it’s hard to make it day to day
these scars are saying
[Chorus]
I’m Not Alright
I’m Not Okay
I don’t wanna feel today
I don’t wanna deal with pain
someone take this all away
Cause I’m Not Okay
[Verse 2]
No one even knows about this crutch that I have,
that’s why my discography don’t have any songs that are sad,
because every time I go and try and make one,
depression awakens and takes over like a tape worm,
and it eats away at my soul,
so many stories that went untold,
cause I’m not man enough to control my emotions,
so I bury them all down below,
I’m not alright, I’m not okay,
I can’t talk about the things that are causing pain,
I can’t talk about the time that I lost my first love and wanted to shoot myself in the motherfuckin’ brain,
I can’t talk about the night that she left me I put a bag over my head to try and suffocate,
but I backed out, just before I blacked out, so my mother wouldn’t have to put her own son in the grave.
I can’t talk about the day that I lost my grandma, I prayed to God but now I am lost,
cause I asked him to save her but the next day, he’d take her away and now my faith is gone,
I often think, is she proud of me?
She never even knew about this rap scene.
She never even knew I swore,
never knew about my tour,
hell she ain’t even know about half of me,
I’m not alright, I’m not okay,
everybody tells me time will take away the pain,
everybody tells me life is a just a book of chapters and all I have to do is act like it never happened and turn the page,
but they don’t that all my pages are the same,
everyone contains the same info, the same pain,
the same blacked out window, the same brain,
the same passed down limbo, the same shame.
I’m Not Alright, I’m not Okay,
I would trade it all away to write a new page,
but none are blank, they’re all full,
it’s not cool,
all tell’n me I’ll never make it in this game of life and I’m a fool,
all tellin’ me to get up on a pedestal, put a rope around my neck, tie it off, and jump until it pulls,
smothering me to death,
maybe then I’ll get some rest,
but until then I got some more people to impress,
gotta put the fake smile on, that fake voice,
gotta fake everything just so people pay coin,
I always say that anyone who’s fake that I’d punch ’em in the jaw,
so I’m hitting myself cause I’m the fakest of them all,
I don’t even know how to be real,
hell I don’t even know who the real me is.
maybe when I can finally be still,
the fake me will cease to exist, and the real me will live.
#ImNotOkay #Crypt #TalesFromTheCrypt